accomplished twins. life is a go
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
