And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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