Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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