She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
