i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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