Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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