he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
