Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize