Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize