She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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