He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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