He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
