I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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