Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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