Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
