im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
