I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I puked a lego.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
