You're so nebulous sometimes
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
