He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize