I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
