ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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