I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
