I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Found the puke drawer
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
