Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
