All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
