It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize