I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
