I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize