i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
