Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
