I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
