Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
