Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
