I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
