oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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