we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
