New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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