I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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