well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
