Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
