So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
