The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
