textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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