WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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