He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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