Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
