And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
