Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
