so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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