So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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