I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
