please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
