I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
