Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
