May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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