You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
