Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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