There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
