You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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