How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
