I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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