So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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