i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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