He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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