So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
