My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize