So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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