Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
