the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
