drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
